It suddenly occurred to me today: should I take life seriously or not? We all die anyway. But while alive, one cannot survive without taking life seriously. On the other hand, taking it to seriously would mean one is solely surviving and NOT living. I suppose the answer is balance. But balance is always tricky. Balance sucks.
We never truly realize how tightly tied we are to the people in our lives until we find ourselves alone, say, a world apart. Okay, perhaps a “world apart” is a bit extreme, but even a two-hour flight apart is enough. Hell, I think even a two-hour drive apart would make us feel that.
Let me explain.
I have recently done what most young people do these days: I have finished high school and gone to college overseas. A brave new world has opened before me and I dream of building a career and all that, am eager to grasp the chance to meet people from all over the world, get a taste of independent life and what-not. I bought the full package.
I have only been alone and “independent” for nearly a week, when it dawned on me how much I actually depend on everyone home.
When you find yourself alone in a foreign place, surrounded by half-built friendships and acquaintances, that’s when you see it.
We depend so much on the people that we love and care about that we build our whole world around them without even knowing it. I wasn’t the type to be friends with the whole school: I have three good friends and three members of my family that I truly care for. And now, in the hours that are not filled with a flurry of activity, my thoughts always fly to them. This is what I did in my spare time. They were my spare time.
Now all that is left is to try and redefine myself without them. Maybe we never are who we think we are, for the people around us always seep into the definition of us.
There is a line in the lyrics of a song I have recently listened to: “You are what you love, not who loves you”. I will try to find what I love again. But I also feel who loves you and who you love will always be a part of you anyway.